1. |
next to me
03:06
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i've got someone near me
who understands what I feel.
i've got someone next to me
who opens up what is real.
i hear her heart beating.
it recognizes the stakes.
her sincere hands of healing
are resting here on my face.
she is in a league of her own.
i know we've got this.
i will never go it alone.
no excuses.
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2. |
closer
03:45
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all second guesses in my mind.
i haven't been grounded for some time.
the paths at my feet begin to wind
(lead me home. lead me home. you can lead me home.)
and i couldn't tell you which one's mine.
(let me know... let me know how to let them go.)
i came to a thought that pulled me under,
that i'm not a dream, i'm one life's blunder.
my love for you stretches into space.
it can't be contained in any place.
but under the gray hairs on my face,
(will you hold... will you hold... will you hold me close?)
chasms of fears keep me awake.
(let me know... let me know... tell me how to let them go.)
i came to a thought that I might not beat this.
then i start to think that you might see it.
don't come closer.
i'm getting older.
don't come closer.
i'm feeling sicker.
don't come closer.
i'm spreading thinner.
don't come closer.
i'm a goner.
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3. |
truth
03:01
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the other day i wasn't there.
i was counterfeit.
i had felt a loss of air
that i would not admit.
And so i slumped into a chair
and no one noticed it.
the other night i wasn't scared.
i was petrified.
a new fixation in my head.
i am not surprised.
i am always made aware
when i can't close my eyes.
i am fine.
i'm alright.
i don't mind.
there's nothing out of line.
nothing's wrong.
i can turn it off.
give me a second...
i'm pulling myself together...
i will rally. i'll remain.
i will follow through.
i am passive. i am sane.
look at my attitude.
i do not accept my place,
except i know my truth.
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4. |
gets me out
02:13
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|
i'm on my phone.
"can you make it
to the show?"
you can count me in.
i'm a go.
but if you want me
relatable,
you can drop me off at home.
in tonight...
i lay back. it's
what i like.
but nothing kindles
behind my eyes.
i spend a worrying
length of time
staring at a light.
call me now.
let's take a walk or
hit the town.
another potluck?
i am down.
snail-pace cinema?
i'll join the crowd
if it gets me out.
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5. |
cannot
02:16
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i cannot hear myself
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6. |
hear myself
03:58
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|
i lie flat and i turn over,
open my eyes,
look under the bed.
i play a song, something with color,
something with feels,
though i know that it won't help.
i ruffle my hair, then take a picture.
i open my mouth.
but i cannot hear myself.
i cannot hear myself.
no, i cannot hear myself.
i shuffle in wearing a wristband.
make no mistake.
i'm one of a pair.
stand at the stage? stand in the corner?
this is too far.
oh no, i don't care.
lean into the bass and clap to the snare drum.
i open my mouth.
but i cannot hear myself.
i cannot hear myself.
no, i cannot hear myself.
i double over.
i drop down
onto my palms.
i sink under
beneath the sound.
it's not my song.
i can't handle.
i can't stand.
i was wrong.
i can't handle.
i can't stand.
it's not my song.
i play a song, something with power,
something unreal,
something with care.
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7. |
take my power
03:31
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|
i struggle to make it.
do i deserve it?
if i'm being honest,
i don't want it.
i can't get a foothold,
floating in limbo,
forever followed
by my shadows.
could you be a savior?
could you be a lighter
in the fog?
could you take my power?
though i talk,
i swear
i could lose it all for all i care.
i could fall.
but i can't give it up.
so subtle a bummer
to settle for gunners.
what do they want
with this lover,
running for cover,
alone in a bunker,
undiscovered,
becoming dumber?
could you be a fracture?
could you be a rupture?
could you?
could you take my power?
and through these faults,
i'll see
i can't fault what's calling me,
what i can be.
but i can't give it up.
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8. |
wishing well
04:43
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it's like i'm propped against a wishing well
with a coin tucked in the creases of my hand.
my missed chances will never lend themselves
to a hopeful spirit or a peaceful man.
it's so like me to get dizzy when i hit a wall.
it's so like me to get feet stuck in the sand.
like in a movie with a battle scene
when we all feel heavy losses in the end,
my own army is surrounding me.
how can i surrender when it's just pretend.
it's so like me to get crazy and endure it numb.
it's so like me to live through my body's plans.
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9. |
through the day
03:22
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|
i can make it through the day.
only hours in the way.
and i don't know what to say.
i just need to stay awake.
i will make it through the day.
i drag my feet,
flash a grin and nod.
am i just a pawn?
no, there's not a purpose for me,
but even if i got one, it isn't what i'd want.
i'm living in a song on repeat,
playing on and on.
i liked it. now i'm dumb.
so under this façade, my conceit
was in me all along,
stronger than i thought.
guess i got it wrong.
i will make it through the day.
i'll buckle down and operate
until the light begins to fade
and the colors melt away.
i will make it through the day
if i just keep calm.
i will make it through the day
if i don't let on.
i bite my lip.
give me your best shot.
i will take it on.
i think i feel a rush. i resist.
no, i will not be stopped.
i will be a rock.
do i get choked up? i'm no wimp.
so you heard me sob?
well i sob like a boss.
this is not a rut. i'm managing.
it's the same phenomenon,
nothing i haven't done.
i will carry on.
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10. |
don't apologize
03:42
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|
open up your eyes.
is something on your mind?
you seem pretty quiet.
something isn't right.
you don't have to let it slide.
don't just cite the grind.
one step at a time.
don't apologize.
i know you're not all right.
you fall into my arms.
you slip away from harm.
you listen to my heart.
you let me play a part.
this is just the start,
when you let down your guard.
it isn't very hard.
you leave the door ajar
so i know where you are.
you are sturdy,
more than i could ever be,
so if it's bad,
it's more than bad.
i'd never last
through much of that.
i'll convene
with the mess inside of me.
i'll draw a map
behind your mask.
i'll reach past
and pull you back.
i can see
what you're wanting,
wanting me to see.
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11. |
only
04:29
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|
i cannot see it.
i can only feel it.
i cannot release it.
i can only feed it.
i cannot take it. no,
i can only have it.
i cannot fake it.
i can only mask it.
i cannot rub it out.
i can only move it.
i cannot put it down.
i can only lose it.
i cannot shake it off.
i can only carry it.
i cannot make it good.
i can only own it.
if you find me asleep,
don't wake me up.
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12. |
my worth
02:22
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i search
for worth,
for a lifeline
to say goodbye
to these confines.
i curse
this earth,
though i know i
am wound tight
on the inside.
And i've known why
for a long time.
pensive,
i live
while you keep me
lovingly
and proudly.
you give,
you give,
and you give me
exactly
what i need.
so i breathe deeply
and completely.
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tunnel traffic Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
tunnel traffic recommends:
my previous musical adventures with some friends
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